Are You “Doing the Nasty”?

What’s nasty?

One of my first clients, I’ll call her Sue, who came for sex therapy was in a real tough spot.

Sue’s husband had told her she was repressed. She wasn’t performing up to his expectations when it came to sex. He wanted more. She seemed to be wanting less and less sex, and now it had gone too far.

As we talked that spring afternoon, it became quite evident that as they had gotten older it was harder and harder for him to achieve and maintain an erection. He needed and wanted more and more stimulation, just to achieve an erection that was barely sufficient to achieve intercourse.

He was putting a lot of pressure on Sue to stimulate him in ways that were, in her words, “unnatural, unpleasant, and just plain nasty.”

When she was finally able to say specifically what he meant, Sue mentioned oral sex, oral sex, oral sex.

She had been raised to believe that her body was basically not to be touched, by anyone, including herself, and she was not to engage in any “unnatural practices.” Her mother wouldn’t elaborate on the term. And was angry when she asked for an explanation. When Sue finally got up her nerve to ask her older sister what that meant, her sister laughed at her and called her a prude.

Her sister never did explain what “unnatural practices” consisted of. Finally, after reading a few romance novels, and being totally shocked at what these seemingly nice characters did, she realized what her mother meant.

Now, Sue’s own husband wanted to her to do the nasty thing her mother had warned against.

It’s easy to make fun of Sue, to call her a prude, or to insist she change.

But, the truth is, we all have some heritage feelings about sex…what our parents, teachers, religious training taught us.

The big question is…how much of what you learned then is what you believe, or want to believe now?

How much of what you once considered nasty is still on your nasty list…and how much of it is on your “I just love it, let’s do it some more” list?

And, how much is your list like your honey’s list?

Or, haven’t you talked about it yet?