For lots of women, even many many senior women, the big question is still “how can I tell if I’ve had an orgasm?”
The flippant, and not so nice, answer is “If you have to ask you haven’t had one.”
The more accurate answer goes more to how individual women experience orgasms, and there just isn’t one magic real way. While there are some similarities, each woman needs to understand what her own orgasms are and then recognize them when she has one.
I can just hear you mumbling to yourself right now: “Easy for you to say, you’ve probably never had a time when you weren’t sure.”
Well, truth be told, everyone, even me, has times when it’s hard to tell. We may be distracted, trying too hard, caught up in emotions and feelings about something else, focusing on our partners, not feeling well. There’s lots of ways we can be distracted when making love that will interfere with having an orgasm, or not realizing you really did and just hadn’t noticed at the time.
When I was regularly leading group therapy programs for anorgasmia, the medical term for women who hadn’t yet had an orgasm, we would debrief very carefully what our clients were saying about their practice sessions.
What became very clear is that if you’ve never had an orgasm, the first ones you do have may be so subtle you don’t realize you’ve had one.
Almost all of the women reported some version of “I don’t know what it was but I just realized I was finished.” They went on to say it was more of a thought, not necessarily a physical awareness.
What we learned then, from the many women who said the same thing about why and when they stopped their orgasm practice sessions was that the first ones we usually experience are very subtle, more of a realization than an earth shattering climax.
This may well be your experience too. If so, try again at another time. Continue doing what you had been doing, only longer, more intensely and with more emotional involvement.
They will get more significant and obvious the more you practice.
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