Is Your Senior Sex “Good Enough?”

“Good enough sex” varies a lot from couple to couple. For one couple, after a major bout with prostate cancer, including radiation and surgery, good enough meant lots of mutual pleasuring and oral sex, relaxed touching, and snuggling.

Another couple decided that they would continue to work on having sex “the old fashioned way” and at the same time, started working on a healthier diet and added a gradually more rigorous exercise program to their weekly schedule.

They both found with less weight, and much less sugar, fat, and alcohol in their diet, they were not just better at having sex, but were wanting sexual relations more often.

Each couple is different…and the way you decide what’s “good enough sex” for the two of you, is to talk about and choose what’s good enough and what to do when it doesn’t come up to your own standards:

• What would be a minor disaster or a major disaster when you’re having sex?
• What will you do if  when one of you burps or farts?
• If someone leaks unintentionally?
• If your adult kids walk in uninvited?

Any of these can be used to define a lovemaking session as a failure, and get into blame and shame. So, try it if you want to make sure to make your problems worse.

If you don’t want to, think about laughing, being matter of fact, or claim it’s your turn next time.

Now, decide together what’s “good enough”…and then all the variations of not so “good enough.”

• What leaves you feeling satisfied and loving towards your honey, and yourself?
• What will you settle for?

Get explicit and share:

• What’s great for her?
• What’s great for you?

Don’t aim for hitting a home run every time…even Barry Bonds can’t…and you know the trouble he got into trying.

Settle back and let every time be okay…sometimes great but most of the time good enough. Knowing full well we’ll all have some of those  “You’ve got to be kidding.  I went to all the trouble, got all hot and sweaty, gooey and sticky for that?” times.

And, we can all still have those “that was just what I needed and wanted…and you are still my love” times.

Most couples report about 25-35% of the time it’s “really good.” Another 25-35% of the time, it’s okay, we did it. May have had some troubles, maybe not as hard as I’d like, or she didn’t have an orgasm, or something broke the mood.

But, the rest of the time, it’s good enough. They felt close, reminded each other of their love, and it was either fun or funny.

The key here is keeping your measures oriented to sexual  satisfaction, intimacy, and pleasure…not performance. By working with what you have, you can make it good enough to great most of the time. If you get stuck on what you can’t have…or no longer or able to do, you’re setting yourself up for misery.

One of the hardest actions couples can take for more satisfying senior sex is talking about their sex life. Most of us find it too scary to bring up. Over the years, I’ve helped countless couples increase the satisfaction they experience with their intimate life by encouraging them to find the courage to talk about what they want and need.

You can claim your complimentary copy of my latest audio learning program: more than an hour of tips, sex therapist secrets, and specific suggestions for making your senior loving more satisfying no matter how old you are or how old you get to be…all without dangerous drugs or demeaning devices.It’s a perfect conversation starter.