Lazy Lover Syndrome

Recently  a woman was complaining to me about how relations with her new lover were not all that good. He put the blame on her…saying she was frigid and needed to go the doctor and get fixed.

From her point of view, she hadn’t had any problems with her late husband, but said her new lover was really focused on his satisfaction, seldom touching her at all and quickly rolling over and going to sleep when he was satisfied.

After assuring that this was not an accurate diagnosis of frigidity, I quipped that it seemed to be a classic case of Lazy Lover Syndrome. A common issue with senior sex.

Don’t go looking for that in any medical or psychological lexicons…it is a term I made up for people, both men and women, who are so focused on getting their own satisfaction, and then going to sleep, that they seldom, if ever, spend any time helping their partner get the satisfaction they’d like out of making love.

Oh, and of course, they see nothing wrong in what they’re doing. They’ve always done it like this and there haven’t been any complaints until now. It must be their partner’s fault if something isn’t right in the bedroom.

I don’t think so!

Welcome to the ranks of lovers who have been taking their love life for granted, and not paying attention to the changes we all experience as we grown older.

The same practices that were effective when we were in our twenties just don’t work for us as we get older. Satisfying senior sex needs accomodations and new skills.

I know getting older is fighting words for some. You’ll have to get over yourself. It happens to everyone. You can moan and complain, or make the best of what you are now.

So, what can you do…what do you need to do to keep your love life loving and satisfying for both of you?

First and foremost, slow down. Lots of older men are in a hurry for fear they are going to lose their erection. The fear of having erectile dysfunction has lots of men self conscious and concerned about making love. Especially with a new partner.

What they need to learn is not worrying bout losing an erection but how to get one back when they do. Read that again. It did say when they do. Because all men over 40 do lose their erections sometimes. What most of them don’t know is how to get one back.

So, they hurry so they can take advantage of an erection before they lose it.

What you need to do is slow down. Take the time to help your partner get as excited as you are. Direct stimulation, as well as more kissing, snuggling, petting, and loving words are all effective. You know the techniques…just think back to high school when petting was the futherest we were supposed to go. It does come back with practice.

Slowing down, taking more time, also lets your lady have the time and stimulation she needs to become lubricated.

If lubrication doesn’t happen fairly quickly, use one of the many “personal lubricants” on the market. They’re available these days in on the same aisle with the condoms in most drugstores and the drug department of big box stores. They’re cheap…and not only speed things up but prevent discomfort and the possibility of vaginal abrasions

If you’re having trouble getting an erection back, one of the most effective techniques is to use your sweetheart’s excitement and reactions to help fuel your own desire. “Be in the moment” and pay attention just to what you’re doing, not everything else that might be coursing through your life.